No amount of baby research, social media scrolling, app subscriptions, or parental advice prepared me for the intensive round-the-clock demands of motherhood. Unaddressed childhood wounds, insecurities, and relationship weak spots have all bubbled up to the surface at lightning speed—on top of the hormonal roller coaster of postpartum recovery—all while I’m so sleep deprived I can barely keep my eyes open. 

But, I have to keep them open. Because a living, breathing human life depends on me for her survival. The weight of that still stuns me. 

Motherhood has completely rewired how I show up for life. And the thing is, I like who I am now MORE. I’m more centered, stripped down, and connected to my intuition and values. My daughter is my mirror and my greatest teacher. She’s taught me the most invaluable, life-changing lessons of my life, which I’ll share with you, new mama, to make your onboarding a little less jarring and lonely. 

Mama, slow down. 

Rest is productive. Rest is crucial to your survival and that of your new child. Rest will nourish your recovering body and give you the critical energy needed to keep up with the ever-changing demands of your newborn. I think it’s unfair to say “rest when the baby rests.” That’s crudely oversimplified and dependent on how much support you have. If you can do it, great. If you can’t, sneak in rest at any given opportunity. 

Embrace the slowdown. Smell your child. Study the size of their fingernails and ears. Observe their changing eye color. Feel the same heartbeat you’ve been listening to for months. Count their smiles while they’re sleeping—it helps counter sleep deprivation. The newborn stage will be a temporary blip in your life because the pace will only pick up as your child grows. 

Mama, stand firm in your beliefs. 

I made the decision to contact nap with my daughter because that’s what was right for our family. I choose that wording very deliberately. For some reason, as you step into motherhood, everyone surrounding you will feel compelled to share their opinion on how to parent your child. Your inner voice needs to be LOUDER. 

Doubt will naturally creep in as a first-timer, but the best thing you can do is to honor what feels right. Period. You know yourself and your child best and your needs are unique to you. Sure, listen to others’ input, but take what you like and leave the rest. Clear the noise and listen to your intuition. You don’t need to justify anything. Listen to yourself first, always. 

Mama, say “no” more.

Exercise your right to say no to the things and people that are not serving you. Say no to visitors, to forced hugs with your baby, and to anyone who is asking more of you during a period in your life when you need to receive. 

Say yes to help (that’s actually helpful versus what others “think” is helpful). Say yes to showers, food deliveries, and offers to cook, clean, buy groceries, walk the dog—all of it. You have the most important job in the world now and need more support than you’ve ever had in your life. Delegate, eliminate, automate, and practice honoring the needs of you and your baby first above everything. 

Set your boundaries, and remember, you are not responsible for others’ reactions and feelings—that’s theirs to own and process. You’ve got plenty on your plate. 

Mama, you are enough. 

How am I supposed to do this? What if I screw up? 

These are the intrusive thoughts that occupy the minds of all first-time parents, regardless of how “put together” they may seem—particularly on social media. I remember seeing Instagram reels of bedtime routines with countless recommendations to do a nightly bath. Meanwhile, I hadn’t showered in a week nor brushed my teeth. I remember feeling inferior and infuriated. How the hell am I supposed to add this into our routine? It feels impossible!

What I’ve learned is this: do not allow yourself to succumb to the pressures of social media. You don’t need to do it all. You just need to keep your baby safe, healthy, and relatively content. How you go about that is completely up to you. My baby is perfectly healthy and happy with a bath once a week, and I can be present and engaged for a bedtime routine that works for us. That’s what matters more to me. Be weary of the trap of comparing yourself to others. 

You don’t need to be perfect, but you are perfectly what your child needs. 

Originally appeared in Golden Gate Mothers Group Magazine.