After my pregnancy losses, I met with a spiritual medium to try to connect with my spirit babies (if you’re unfamiliar with the term, a spirit baby is the soul of an unborn child).
The truth is I was terrified.
I was grieving. My heart was fragile. And I was fearful of the damage a stranger could do to an already shattered heart.
The thought that haunted me: Can I trust her? What if she takes advantage of me? What if I can’t make a connection? What if I do? I don’t think I can break any further.
It was hard. It was scary. And I did it anyway.
She shared very private details with me, thoughts and situations I had never shared with anyone. And with that, she earned my trust, and I opened my heart and mind.
Mind you, with both of my pregnancy losses, I had not yet learned the baby’s sex. She said the words, “You have a son and a daughter.”
And I broke.
My hands and knees quivered. My throat dried. My eyes swelled with tears. I felt like I could fall and disintegrate into the floor.
She told me my daughter spirit baby was from my first pregnancy loss and that she was too scared and nervous to make her journey Earthside. The medium suggested I try to connect with her and reassure her to encourage her to make her return.
Below is the letter I wrote to my unborn daughter.
Today, I hold my daughter in my arms, and in my heart, I believe she’s the same soul from my first pregnancy.
This is a letter I plan to refer to again in her life, and I hope it can serve as comfort and a guiding light to your little one as well.
My darling daughter, I’m so proud of you.
You were so brave and courageous in telling me you’re feeling nervous. It’s not always easy to name your feelings—and you did it with such grace little one.
I want you to know it’s OK to honor, feel, and lean into every single feeling that comes up little love. They’re all information. They’re all here to help us. We just have to be still enough to listen to the wisdom.
I want to reassure you, feeling nervous is completely normal. It’s a part of being human, a journey you and I are starting together little love.
Nervous comes any time we’re about to do something great or magical. Stepping into the unknown can be scary. And that’s perfectly OK.
But that’s why you have me beside you, darling daughter. To hold your hand. To care for your heart. To let you know you’re never alone. I will walk through the scary part with you.
You are safe. You are loved. You are held. Mama’s got you.
We will take on this journey, side by side, holding hands. And when you’re nervous, you can squeeze my hand tight, and I’ll hold you even tighter. And together, we’ll breathe.
My love will wrap around you like a warm blanket little love. And with that love, I’ll shield you with a golden aura of protection to keep you safe. To deflect any harm or negativity.
You can do this. You can do anything little love.
Together, we can conquer your nervousness. And as you get older, mama will show you how to embrace the shadows.
If you’re nervous, little love, it’s because you’re embarking on the greatest adventure a soul can take.
And it’s going to be filled with so many mysteries and treasures. You’ll experience a love bigger than you could ever imagine.
Because at the end of your adventure, little love, will be your dad and I waiting…
…waiting to hold you.
…waiting to love you.
…waiting for you, little love…
Our Treasure.
*Note to reader: If you’re interested in learning more about spirit babies or want to communicate with your own, this book was recommended to me and served in my healing journey, “Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child You’re Meant to Have,” by Walter Makichen.
This original blog is also featured on RTZ Hope.
Mama Brain 